Sally the slt or percys a drunk
by Procrastinatey
Summary: Sally likes a few lines and a good old shafting, percy ends up a drink child with some rather interesting powers Haven't thought of the storyline yet.
1. Chapter 1

Just a bit of fun a bit serious maybe don't expect updates.

Sally the slut, it was her name ever since Billy Thomson was overheard bragging to his friends about a blowjob in the school toilets back when she was 13 and it had stuck.

Sally didn't mind it by the time she was 17 she liked a bit columbian, some shots and a whole lot of cock in her. So when a kinda cute, kinda hot, kinda sexy, hysterically funny but not funny-looking guy offered her a line at a popular club who was she to refuse?

The guy was fuzzy but she could distinctly remember his alcohol laced breath and bloodshot eyes, oh and his stamina. She was amazed he hadn't broke her back.

9 months later little percy was born, bright green eyes and a tuft of dark hair, looking pudgy and cute.

Life was alright for percy, his mother went out most Saturdays and came back more often than not with a drunk but horny bloke and had her arse pounded like a black man's bongo drum. Her cunt might have been like a badly wrapped kebab but her arsehole was still moderately tight.

The moans and grunts could be heard from his room but little percy didn't mind. Little percy was very rarely sober, downing alcohol like a sailor.

Why didn't anyone report this? The fucking mist and also because its a plot device stupid.

Still despite this Sally was an okay mother. he had clothes, food, didnt live under the stairs and most definitely didn't get abused by some fat guy called gabe.

At the usual age percy started going to school, a ham sandwich and a bottle of scotch in hand. Swaying gently with every step he'd often hiccup every now and then and be forced to answer a question

It was on one fine Tuesday morning, a bullied 7 year old percy lay on the floor his nose bust and Jeffery jefferson standing above him laughing his arse off in an obnoxious manner. "hahaha! You smell like daddy when he gets in from work and starts hitting mommy! You're such a loser!" percy glared up in anger his eyes flashing purple before Jeremy Jeremyson fell over screaming and clawing at his eyes "blaghahahahaha make it stoppppppp! I won't go to room 16!" percy's stood - his eyes still glowing before replying. "you will!" (ten years later Jack Jackson would scream out "you're already therrrreeeee before continuing to bang his head against the wall in Newyork asylum.) percy could not repeat the process again until much later in his life.

It was at 9 years old percy encountered his first ever monster and boy was it a doozy! She was called dinky and was an empousa, it was at this point he ran into a goat-guy a blond haired know-it-all, a wannabe goth and a slim shady Justin beiber looking fucker that this story really begins...


	2. Chapter 2

Well they were an awful bunch of kids but the goat guy, who was called grazer (or something), was a literal bad ass, he definitely didn't skip leg day. At the first site of dinky he went bruce Lee all over her, legs kicking and fists flying, oaken nunchucks smacking that bitch as he yelled "back in the kitchen cunt! Yeah percy liked grazer.

Grover was your typical mythical creature, mystical as fuck, but he had acne across his face and the beginning of a wispy beard upon his chinny chin chin. two little horns could be seen slightly beneath his curly greek hair, he was shirtless and had a hairy but defined upper body which could be seen as he wore no shirt, his goat Furred legs were matted with dirt, though this was not usually the case as he regularly shampooed and conditioned his legs. He also had the cock and bollicks of a goat. That wasn't something you saw every day.

After the battle against dinky had came to Its conclusion introductions were, in an awkward way, made. An explanation of the hidden Greek world was given to our friendly neighbourhood drunk. After it was over Percy shrugged and decided to go to camp half blood, he had nothing better to do.

To cut a long story short they got there, percy threw a molotov cocktail at the minotaur using his very last supply of whiskey. Blonde and beiber legged it like pussy's and the emo slit her wrists with a big bolt of lightning and got turned into an emo tree. It scared away those bat ladies and an army of undead fuckers so all in all not a bad trade off.

It was at this point Percy met his father and christian the horse guy. Annie-girl and beiber face were crying like little bitches and had to be taken away. That left percy and goat cock at the porch of the big house.

"Perry Johnson is it?" the man had said whilst downing a can. "you look nothing like your mother, though I suppose everyone looks different with a cock in their mouth" percy was confused. Had this dude been one of his mothers fuckers? "and you are exactly?" the drunk let out a booming laugh before replying "your father boy! Have some respect!" he belched loudly before slapping perry's shoulders. "best run along now you young whippersnapper, ive got a game of pinochle to win!" before promptly turning around and ignoring his son.

And so with that are young drunk hero met his father, bit of a let down really. Groovy showed him around the place, it was decent enough in percy's opinion. The rock wall looked pretty cool and the arena definitely looked fun.

It was when the conch horn blew he said goodbye to his new friend, supposedly grover (as if that was his name? Ha! Mr tumnus looking fucker) could tell he was one groovy cat and had some fleek mojo BABY! and sat down upon his table. It was here he met his brothers. Huh fancy that a party god not pulling out.


	3. Chapter 3

"hey you must be Perry" both brothers looked alike, blonde curly hair, a slightly podgy belly and bright violet eyes. This was gonna be impossible to tell the two apart. "I'm castor and this is pollux, we're your half brothers Peter, dad's a bit of an arsehole but he keeps us topped up with the good stuff so we don't complain too much" was the introductory speech.

the other then butted in (bollux?) "come and sit down oswald (oswald! That isn't even remotely similar to percy, the author must be running out of ideas)" each table is dedicated to the big twelve olympian gods" he continued "some have a really strong pull out game so their tables are empty. The table eating kellogs and weatabix is demeter's table, the one giving handies under the table is aphrodite's table (yeah they're going through a whole forbidden love phase, don't ask) urmmm... The one with all the blondes is apollo, the ones all jacked up on steriods and punching eachother in the face is ares's table - stay clear of them if possible polly, the nerds are athena's lot. The table full of blacksmiths is hephaestus' kids and the last table is hermes table. They're pretty much a rag tag group of kids who feel alone and lost and totally won't be manipulated into doing heinous criminal acts by an old and extremely evil power throughout the course of 5 books and 2 movies (both pretty shitty and not at all as well done as the 8 Harry Potter movies)." bollix took a massive breath then, his face purple from oxygen depravation after all the pointless talking he just did because the reader will most likely know all of this.

"cool as a cucumber" percy said as he took a gulp of whiskey and percy sat down and waited. Light banter ensued with castor sugar and pollux the bollix - percy ever continuously drinking and not really getting drunk (because writing a drunk when you're not drunk is hard goddammit!) until Christian bale of hay walked in, his horse cock touching the floor (just because riordan never mentioned monster pussy or horse balls doesn't mean they're not a thing!) a few of the aphrodite cabin swooned, oh yeah good ol chiro's still got it baby! Groovayyy!

"GOOD EVENING! DEMI GOD'S! OH AND BY THE WAY THOSE UNCLAIMED ARE DOUCHE BAG'S SO LET'S LAUGH AT THEM AND GENERALLY ALIENATE THEM FROM THE CAMP!" he bellowed "the sexy sexy nymphs will be arriving campers! Prepare for a feast to the gods! Thunder thunder thunder! Thunder cats! Hoooooooooooooo!" and with that he sat? (fuck knows mate)

Percy turned to castor sugar and laughed "ha you're not a camper you're just camp ya faggot!" bollix laughed as well.

gay jokes were the best.

It was at this point the nymphs walked in, bright green eyes and tanned luscious skin, they had flowers braided through their hair and were light on their feet as the carried silver platters of barbecued brisket and other meats, along with an assortment of cheeses, grapes, fresh bread and olive oil. The nymph that served percy was voluptuous and of a demure and innocent standing despite her skimpy clothing and bouncing bussoms. It was at this point percy got his first boner. She noticed and laughed in delight before placing the food upon the table and whispering "my first boyfriend was a grapevine, maybe when you're older you can bring back some... Fond memories" before she whisked herself away. When he's older and more frustrated he's totally gonna want to tap that, but right now percys just confused at why his cocks harder than a Walmart santa clause's.

Damn that's some sexy shit. Grape vines bro... G rape vines!

Percy stood over the fire pit "go on then Paul, sacrifice your food to a god" percy pondered before saying "who?" castor (of magic spells) smacked Perry over the head before replying "whoever you want man! The king I dont know!"

Percy nodded absent mindedly "Ughhh huhhh! To the king, presley himself!" the fire roared in approval as castor face palmed "for fucks sake percy!"

Hey, he called him percy.

Lucky yous another chapter, looking for someone to co author or some shit. More than a beta less than 50 percent input, any takers? (up the bum lol).


	4. Chapter 4

Capture the flag, that was a thing here, percy found out. And not in a call of duty lobby kind of way. This was full armour, Pointy metal death machines and a bunch of teenagers with super powers. Fucking crazy right?

To get a good picture of the surrounding areas you'd need a drone with a good camera, or maybe a helicopter with guns and freakin laser beams! Or just an author in the mood for being descriptive. The majority of the area was a field, the grass and weeds well trampled upon, however along the circumference of the right side (can't be bothered to work out east's, west's and whether she said i could go balls deep - it's not rape when you can't hear her scream stop!) was a scary forbidden forest looking mother fucker. Bisecting the field and forest was a long swooping river that ran from fuck knows where and into the sea, a bridge was placed along it. However it could be waded through if you didn't mind your shoes getting stuck in the mud and silt and getting wet up to chest height in some areas.

Percy was placed in defense of the flag, it was placed upon a hill and in clear view for any approaching demigods. Percy was left with strict instructions from (f)Annie-bitch to not move from where he stood and to stay out the way - as if she was in charge ha! Whilst She was placed by the river in a phalanx formation with a small contingent of birdbrains. She looked comically small when compared to the armored nerds.

The teams were; hephaestus, aphrodite, athena, Demeter and dionysus vs hermes, ares and Apollo. It was a tough game to call as one team had overwhelming numbers and archers for support of advancing troops and to act as interference as skirmishers whereas the other team had fewer in the terms of man power however the really-dark-white-smiths had many a trick up their sleeves, hippy cabin held a major grudge against the unclaimed because they were wank stains no one wanted and the aphrodite cabin were now going through a drama phase and were acting as if they were the protectors of priam and his court (they didn't begin to realise the implications of this - Troy did fall, open legged slags the lot of em!).

The conch horn blew and the opposing side advanced, children of ares taking the lead, they were in a messy and slow march, swords banging against sheilds as loud yelling rose up, the Apollo campers were approaching also, safe behind the protection of the children of war. Though some. Were noticeably missing. The children of hermes (of which there were ten) were nowhere to be seen however a large messy group of unclaimed were standing in a huddle, naked and without weapons because fuck those parentless twats.

It would be a few minutes before the two minor groups clashed, the nerds had managed to reach the bridge and they stood side by side ready to prevent the approaching army from encroaching upon their territory.

Deep in the woods screams could be had as the children of hefacetits smirked, they had lain traps previously and one by one they were being set off by the pesky children of the stealy god.

What was perry doing you may ask? Fuck all mate he was picking his nose and flicking the snot stuck on the end of his finger as his brothers chester and porridge chilled talking about the arse of a Demeter girl or the tits of an aphrodite chick. Yup... Defending the flag, its like being a goalie except with sharp Pointy things instead of a ball. You're not really noticed unless the other team wins.

As the two opposing sides clashed for dominance the children of ares were slowly being cut down, with the ares campers too close for the archers to fire (shit tactics or am I just too lazy to write about it? I'll let you decide!) it was looking more and more as if the nerds were finally going to win against the big bad bullies!

And yet when the tides were turning. Something else turned (sorry Jeff it's your girlfriend you turned her lesbo with your tiny dick) the aphrodite cabin, with sissy girly cries they attacked the nerds, too horny for bully cock to think of anything else. With a final shove the ares cabin finally prevailed. The Demeter cabin ran right past them and began anally devestating the unclaimed.

As for percy and his brothers? They fucked off way back for a few bevs with their dad, but thats another story

And that's how annabethlehem began to hate perseus Jackson. He was a shit goalkeeper.

Ares cabin won by the way, clarissity carried it over the bridge then scratched her arse and belched.


	5. Chapter 5

Percy was hungover. Like Sally style hungover, though thankfully he hadn't deep throated 12 cocks in a single night like his mother had done once before. According to mackdaddio Dyio godly wine will get anyone drunk, unless they're mortals (mortals just shit their pants till they die) and woooooowheeeeeee! It felt like someone was cracking his head open with an ice pick. Castor(rent site) and Pedo-pollux were in the same state.

It was a literal fuck tonne better than capture the flag though. Unfortunately the night came back to percy with such extreme clarity that it had to be just a scheme by the author to further the plot.

Flashbackkkkkkkkk! Do do do do duh dooooo ooo!

Whiplash!

"Perrrrrciiiiiiiiiii! Ar luvvvvv ya sonny boy pal freeeeend of mine hyahahaaa. Some boi yew like. Here get a line down ya, you're like a broth ah to meee, your mom was great at anal" yea the god of parties was a lit mothafucka. Dude just downed a bottle of rum the absolute mad cunt. "hya sun, gotta pure double naughty quest for yew like. I want them megaseedz morty them megaseedz so I can grow megagrapes (fun fact a megagrape is a mass gangrape and is generally preformed by many men and a single traumatised and abused woman - the more you know). And make megawine portieee. Bleghhhhh!" percy just replied with "ah love you da! Whyd you leave me with mommmmm she is a sluuuuttt hehhahahahe get them megagrapes no botha for yew da ah pure love yah al also kill a little retard girl for ya."

End the forward dim, to the bat cave diddle diddle diddle dooooo!

Well. Damn Daniel. That shit be cray crayyyyy!

And so percy sets off, for a naughty dirty greasy brekky because that sorts hangovers right out.

Later that night percy sat by the campfire singing along to classics such as "that time zues got mad and fucked that chick" or "Apollo please don't kill me your sisters just such a babe" as always the unclaimed were segregated off, though the new addition of a yellow star was present upon their new striped clothing. The crazy cats them unclaimed cunts keeping all the money and wearing hats.

Anyways percyboy stood up he darn well did and he shouted "attennnnnntion! Ma daddy wants me to get some megaseedz he darn well does, and this here putty wheeliechair girl needsa Killin she does hehe, now folks who's with me?" Annabiatch tried to stand up but was punched in the face by some ginger haired guy in a robe out of nowhere. He glanced about and said "fucking know it alls am i right?" Before popping away. Next a gay guy stood up but then sat right back down again as his bum hole was too big for the quest. Then some generic dude from the unclaimed was picked - might call him ezekiel - and an older girl from the aphrodite cabin called ivanna fuck alot.

And so the quest began percy, ezekiel and miss fuckalot who was said to have a pussy like a cemetery with the amount of abortions she had. On a completely normal quest

Their adventures have just begun

*fade out * Lisa ann taking a good bit of baby batter on the chin *fade out *


	6. Chapter 6

And so percy and ezikiel received their first blowjobs... Just kidding percy like 8 here and that just wouldn't make sense, nah they set off in the camp bus with argus-tus gloop the man all cyclops are jealous of.

Sadly the guy was having a really hard time because he found his girlfriend (a slithery snakkkeee) a dracnae with both her tails wrapped around a passing centaur as she jerked off a bunch of laistrygonian giants - and trust me there was alot more man juice than the average bukake. So yeah totes awks, the poor bloke was balling his eyes (and I mean all of them) out whilst the trio sat awkwardly in the back of the van.

Ezikiel sighed, he was really getting sick of wearing the same striped clothing everyday, it just wasn't fair. Percy got a cool wine stained camp half-blood shirt and ivanna had one too (though wayyy more slutty it was cropped to show underboobs and her nips could cut glass, god bless) he was really getting sick of the author completely taking the piss out of the unclaimed kids.

Ivanna, she was just chilling. She had a 6 speed oscillating vibrating butt plug with 'real feel' silicone shoved up her arse as well but that's another story.

Percy was drinking.

Cool bus ride eh?

And so it was with teary eyes argus left the three musketeers in the middle of Newyork. With no money. Thankfully ivanna could suck a golf ball through a hose so they made some travel money quick enough.

A mere 3 days after being dumped into NYC as the kool kids called it. They discovered a monster. It was super scary and it was called jeffery. It happened quite by accident. Jeffery is a 3ft2" tall 550lb cyclops with smallpac. He is also an accountant. (Because fuck you why can't monsters have jobs? We vote enough of them into seats of power?!) he's a pretty cool guy with a totally normal sized chair in his house and a normal sized box cutter he carries around with him all the time. I mean did he eat ezekiels right arm off? Yeah. Did percy give two fucks? No he was taking a piss. But yeah jeffery became Ivannas pimp for the next two months and he sorted shit out! I mean damn son he got them mad accountant skills.

So with a hefty sack of bills in their pocket they bid farewell to the smallpac diseases cyclops and headed onwards into the sunset and headed for wine country, CALI4NIA!

bus rides are long, and boring. They encountered 3 hell hounds and ezikiel lost both legs (luckily he's learnt to roll himself about using his left arm.) Ivanna was too busy teaching percy how to kiss and watching porn in the bus toilets. And percy was only just discovering what puberty felt like.

They arrived in california. And had no fucking clue where to find megaseedz. Oh well...


	7. Chapter 7

"it's just not fair man! I try so god damn fucking hard ya know? I try to be a good guy, be all heroic and impress her! But the author just treats me like a bit of comedic relief! It's getting to me man... I'd slit my wrists if I had more than one hand..." ezikiel was not a happy chappy. Cunt was fuckedddddd rollin about getting his little striped shirt dirty. And that's just the start of it (he doesnt know that he's got leukemia yet, oh boy make sure to tune in to next week's episode to find out what happens!) "Perry you're just so cool! Getting drunk. Going for a piss as im being mauled by a hell hound, how do i be like you?"

SLAP! KICK! PUNCH! BLAM! KAPOW! BATMAN SLAP!

"NEIN! NEIN! NEIN! Das ist fashion niche niche! Nah just be less unclaimed bro, be less unclaimed." with that percy took a shot and passed out.

...

"so, like, totally how do we find these megaseedz babes." brrrrrrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrrrrrr! Percy idly noted that wooden seats and vibrators do not go together. They were in a mcdonalds chowing down on some grub. Ezikiel sighed "i dont know, what did the proph... Or right we didn't really get one..." percy just hummed thoughtfully his eyes darting about before suddenly jumping up and punching ezikiel fifty-five times in the dick. No reason. Just good Ol' fashioned dick punchin. Gotta love it.

After scratching their heads, having a look in a couple of alleys they decided to just give up. And head back. Fuck it right in the pussy.


End file.
